32 Funny One-liners to Spark your Presentation

We attend stand up comedy sessions, watch presenters deliver amazing presentations, and we love public speaking. Here in this blog we bring to you 38 one-liners you can use to spark up your presentation.

Check out the following for amazing one liners and rock your next presentation!

28 common one liners used by presenters:

  1. (during your introduction – 1) Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I’ve been doing nothing for years.
  2. (during your introduction – 2) I really lack the words to compliment myself today.
  3. (during your introduction – 3) Don’t underestimate me, that’s my mother’s job.
  4. (during your introduction – 4) I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect
  5. (during your introduction – 5) At the very start, let me say that we both have something in common. You don’t know what I’m going to say… and neither do I.
  6. (when you make a mistake on stage – 1) You are not completely useless you can always serve as a bad example.
  7. (when you make a mistake on stage – 2) It’s good to learn from other’s mistakes, I wish people learn something from me.
  8. (when you make a mistake on stage – 3)The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
  9. (when you make a mistake on stage – 3) I’ve only been wrong once, and that’s when I thought I was wrong.
  10. (when you find someone yawning or sleeping) Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
  11. (when you are late) Sorry, I’m late. I got here as soon as I felt like it.
  12. (when you are trying to solve a problem in a training session) You know God gave us brain to work out our problems. However we used it to create more!
  13. (asking participants to go beyond their comfort zone) Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
  14. (motivating participants to put in more efforts) Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.
  15. (murmur something on the mic and use this one liner to get attention) Don’t be afraid to talk to yourself. It’s the only way you can be sure somebody’s listening.
  16. (when you make a mistake and your participants suffer as a result) I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
  17. (when you want participants to remain positive and upbeat about a challenge – 1) “I ran a half marathon” sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”.
  18. (when you want participants to remain positive and upbeat about a challenge – 2)Don’t be nervous if someone is driving ahead of you- the world is round, just think that you’re driving first!
  19. (when you want participants to remain positive and upbeat about a challenge – 3)If You weigh 200 pounds on the Earth it is only 76 pounds on the Mars, and it means You are not fat but you are just on the wrong planet.
  20. (when you want participants to remain positive and upbeat about a challenge – 4) I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good! Actually, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying.” but I’m choosing to focus on the positive.
  21. (when you want participants to remain positive and upbeat about a challenge – 5) Worrying works! 90%of the thing I worry about never happens.
  22. (when you want participants to remain positive and upbeat about a challenge – 6) Everything you do you’re going to regret. But if you do nothing – you will not only regret but will also suffer.
  23. (a puzzle to kill sometime) Imagine that you are in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? Ans: U stop imagining…
  24. (post lunch session) They say you are what you eat. That’s funny, I don’t remember eating a sexy beast this morning.
  25. (if participants are worried and you wish to lighten the atmosphere)
  26. (if a participant complains of lack of resources) However lonely you feel, you’re never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.
  27. (ending your presentation – 1) Friends, you’ve no idea how it feels to come to the end of another brilliantly written and impeccably delivered speech. Unfortunately… neither have I.
  28. (ending your presentation – 2) Friends, there are two types of speaker I can do without: those who never stop to think and those who never think to stop. I sincerely hope I haven’t been either. Thank you!

4 one liners to be used at your own risk:

  1. Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired!
  2. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why certain people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  3. The grass is always greener on the other side because it is fertilized with bullshit.
  4. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest!

Challenge for you: In what situations will you use the following one-liners?

  1. Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don’t 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets
  2. (during a cocktail party) Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
  3. If someone is spitting behind you, it means you’re in front
  4. Tomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.
  5. The Best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!
  6. I love my six packs so much that I have protected it with layers of fat
  7. Designing a presentation without an audience in mind is like writing a love letter and addressing it: To Whom It May Concern.

Happy presenting! Share your favourite One-Liner in the comments section below –

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